What if the only way to feel truly connected is to find the courage to be authentic and vulnerable with others? This is no easy feat in today's world and maybe that's why so many of us feel so lonely so much of the time. Everywhere we turn, we are told to be manlier, more feminine, bigger, stronger, straighter, whiter, smaller, skinnier, more confident, less sensitive. It's hard not to internalize the message that we need to be something different in order to be loved and valued. Whether we're able to attain these standards or not, we might still feel alienated if we can't be our true selves.
If you're ready to try move towards greater authenticity and connection, simply noticing these internalized messages can be a great place to start. When do you shrinking yourself in order to fit in? Who else is around? What thoughts are going through your head? What sensations do you feel in your body.
Practicing self-compassion can help us go beyond just noticing. A model of self-compassion popularized by psychologist Kristin Neff encourages us to think about self-compassion in terms of three interconnected elements: Mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness. Mindfulness helps us notice and hold space for difficult thoughts, feelings and sensations in a nonjudgmental way. Common humanity builds on mindfulness by reminding us we are not the only ones struggling with authenticity, alienation and internalized messages about our worth. Finally, self-kindness is simple: Talk to yourself like you'd talk a friend or loved one. Better yet, write yourself a positive affirmation ("I am worthy of love just as I am") put it in your pocket and tap on it whenever you need a little extra courage to be your true self.
Therapy can be a safe and affirming space where we explore the messages we've internalized about our value, understand how they impact our past and present relationship patterns, and practice self-compassion and other skills to brings us closer to ourself and others.
Let's work together. Send me an email or click Book Now to schedule a free 20 minute consultation. I can't wait to meet you.